The Journey Begins

    I decided to make the plunge into managing my weight.  About six years ago, a friend of mine encouraged me to join weight watchers.  I did and after about five months lost 45lbs.  I was elated.  Shortly after that, I got pregnant. Now I have two children and I couldn’t be happier.  After each pregnancy, I was able to loose the weight following the advice and tools I learn since joining weight watchers the first time.  The problem was that it was hard to maintain with the stress of two children and work, and I began to fall into old habits.  My youngest daughter is going to be four in September.  Over the past two years, I have gained much of the original weight I once had lost.  I knew what I should do; I just could not stop myself from reaching for that devil dog (which are four points by the way).  Not tracking my food made it okay to believe, Perhaps I didn’t really eat it!”  I decided to rejoin weight watchers to get back into the mind-set of holding myself accountable for what I eat. 
    I approached the familiar meeting room with some dread.  I knew I would have to have my first weigh-in.  I knew too that although I was not as heavy as I was the first time I joined six years ago, I was pretty damn close.  My biggest fear was that I thought, “what if I don’t succeed this time?”
    I weighed-in at 173.2 lbs, a few pounds more than I had anticipated.  However, I was not discouraged.  I finally had to face my weight.  It may sound silly, but all the time I was eating too much and making bad choices, I was actually saying to myself, “It can’t be that bad.”  Avoiding my own scale at home was the way I coped with my bad eating habits.  It was like saying if I don’t know what I weight I’m okay.  The fact that I couldn’t fit into any of my size 10 cloths didn’t mean a thing except perhaps that my husband put them in the dryer for too long.  The fact that many of my size 12’s were also getting snug meant nothing either.  Facing my weight for me was the first step into changing it.  I had a number and I knew I wanted that number to go down.
    At the first meeting, I became reacquainted with the program, which had changed slightly since I joined six years ago.  I listened to success stories from other members.  I listened to my leader.  All the memories of my earlier success started coming back to me.  Instead of being discouraged, I actually began to enjoy listening to others and remembering my own success.  I felt I could do it again.  At the end of the program, my leader said something that made me laugh.  “If it goes in your smacker, then it goes in your tracker!”  I was ready.  I left the meeting with my small notebook ready to track my eating. 
    I went home ate oatmeal with an apple for breakfast.  I felt satisfied.  At lunch, I made a large salad and used some left over salmon to top off the vegetables.  I use the spray dressing which helps me control the amount of dressing I use.  I felt great.  I wrote everything down.  Then I went to my in-laws for dinner.  I waited too long between meals and didn’t have the foresight to pack along some healthy snacks.  I became ravenous and with that, I grabbed at everything in sight.  First, there was left over beef with noodles from lunch.  Ate it all.  Then, I spied a bag of individual twix candy bars.  I ate four of them.  You would have thought I was full by then, but no.  I went on to eat chicken with white rice, celephane noodles with shrimp, and some sweet and sour pork.  I must have eaten about 40 points in one sitting.  I didn’t reach for my journal; I sat and sulked about my lack of control.  I couldn’t believe I could eat that much.  But, I did.  Moreover, not wanting to write it down was part of my denial. 
So I wrote. 
    And forgave myself. 
        And tried to add up my points as best I could. 
I may have over estimated for some things, but I had eaten my way through 48 points for the day.  But, I learned some things too.  First, Twix candy bars are 7 points!  And that’s not all.  If I wanted to loose weight I had to write everything down so I could gain control.  Saturday was one day. Over the past two years, however, that was probably a normal day for me.  I knew I could do better.  I must never wait until I’m famished.  I have to eat healthy and regularly.  I will do better.  I realized through tracking my habits that I had to do better.  I was killing myself with that eating.
    Each day that first week, I woke up and tried again.  Each day got better and better and by weeks end I could almost stay within my 22-point range.  By the end of the week, I still had some flex points to use up even after the disastrous Saturday night at my in-laws.  What would the scale reveal on Saturday?  Stay tuned for more weight loss updates and what happened at my second meeting.